Welcome to Pumi Hotel

Nine Floors

We provide nine floors, each with a dedicated room. We were unfortunately not able to have more rooms.

Safety

Your safety is important to us. If you encounter any unusual events such as a woman in a crop top threatening to burn you down, we got you covered.

Great Drinks

We serve a variety of drinks at our lobby. Some are free, such as water. Stop trying to kick the vending machine, it is broken.

Comfort

We provide soft beds and rooms that will make you feel at home. While in these rooms, please avoid opening drawers or touching broken televisions. Visit the lobby for further assistance.

"Incredible.."

"..until you get attacked by several demonic heads from a drawer. I was served some high quality whiskey to make up for this, thanks William!"

Betty K.

"cool"

"add windows. otherwise ok. why is there whispering on floor 8?"

Harold M.

"I was lost!"

"I am from France and decided to stay here after getting lost. Best decision EVER! Comfortable beds, creepy atmosphere (huge fan), even TVs were there!!"

Julie S.

"Amazing."

"Floor 5, basement, apples. Bring $70. Your life will change."

Oliver H.

Can I bring a pet?

If you care about your pet potentially getting lost at night, don't bother.

Am I really safe here?

Yes, safety is guaranteed for compliant customers.

When will you fix the vending machine?

Bring your own food. If you are so keen on having the vending machine fixed out of all things, then pay for its repair yourself.

Why is it so dark?

We are unable to afford keeping some of our lights on. If you come across a light source, pick it up and use it. You may also bring your own light source.